While talking about food (usually one of my favourite subjects) at work the other day it became apparent just how far my eating habits had slipped when my colleague suggested I might want to have something other than cereal for dinner. And just the day before it was only when one of my teachers mentioned food in passing that it struck me, the last time I’d eaten had been about 17 hours before. I was busy and I just forgot. Bad sign. I resolved that instead of having cereal for dinner (albeit gluten free, multi-grain, organic cereal) it was about time I cooked myself a proper meal and just generally tried to be a bit nicer to myself than I have been of late.
One of the ironic things about throwing so much into YTT assessments last month (plus dealing with other life stuff) is that the old self-care business has taken a back seat. And related to this I’ve definitely been knocked by the recent changes to my asana practice. (Since my last post I’ve had confirmation that I do have spondylolisthesis.) Given that currently I’m not able to practice asana in quite the way I normally would, I decided to take this opportunity to work on developing a regular meditation practice throughout December to ease my scattered mind.
But my body feels tired. (Averaging roughly four hours sleep a night probably isn’t helping much…)
I am trying to listen to my body and it sounds as though it is saying it needs a break. Right now I don’t know if that means a total break from asana practice for a while. I just know that when I tried that my mood slumped dramatically (that was only after a week!) and I was in no less physical discomfort. I am increasingly feeling that there is a direct correlation between my stress levels and the degree of physical pain I experience. So, I am still practising, but in a different way, and going for some restorative classes. I’ve also been doing more practice at home. And the luxury of a 20-minute savasana at my place the other day complete with blankets, cushions and eyebag – full-on Judith Hanson Lasater style-ee – was bliss (and a reminder that it’s been a while since I allowed myself to completely relax).
Hearing about the 25 Day Yogathon via the ever-inspiring Thais (@letitgo8) on twitter at the beginning of December was brilliant timing! A great incentive to stay motivated. For me, even a few months ago something like the 25 Day Yogathon would have been all about the asana and getting to as many classes as I could, ticking each one off as I went. But right now my asana practice is different, which is forcing me (yes, reluctantly at times) to take a step back and examine things. Sometimes when our focus is on looking out for others we forget about ourselves. The 25 Day Yogathon is a perfect opportunity for me to take a rounded look at how I treat myself and to take better care. One day at a time.
Catch you later – I’m off to meditate